Sometimes life feels like cold oatmeal. Nobody likes cold oatmeal. It’s sticky and slimy and weird and just gross.
Sometimes, even knowing that I share in the Divine life (being a baptized child of God and all), life still seems pretty darn cold, mushy, and tasteless… and, yes, even gross.
It’s comforting to know when life seems blah and I can’t feel God anywhere near me, much less living in my heart, that many, if not all, of the saints went through this too. St. John of the Cross called it the Dark Night of the Soul.
The Dark Night is really awful. I mean really, REALLY awful. This is coming from a person who’s had life-long problems with depression and anxiety. I know it’s probably a bit different for everyone, but in general, I feel like I’m cut off from everything good and there’s nothing but nastiness in me, around me, everywhere I look … even God seems blah. When I’m in the Dark Night I can’t feel love. Love doesn’t seem to exist except as a faint memory. I even sometimes question that memory of love. Was it ever really there to begin with, or was it all in my head?
The only thing I can do is hold on. This is where Faith comes in and gets strengthened. As long as I keep trusting that everything will be OK and God is in control, the sun will come out again sooner or later.
Holding on is hard…