I went to Confession on Sunday and heard something from the priest that made me look at myself and my sins in a different way. (I have been sinning and confessing for so long that I didn’t know I could have fresh eyes on this situation anymore! Thank God for good priests who know just what to say in the Confessional.)
So, there I was, going over the same list that I usually have, spilling my guts to Fr. H, and feeling annoyed with myself and just down in general that I’m still struggling with the same old, same old. Still ticked off that I’m not a complete saint yet. Wondering when the heck it’s all gonna sink in and I’ll wake up one day and be perfect.
And Fr. H said (and I quote): “Don’t beat yourself up. You always have a choice when you sin, but don’t beat yourself up. When the proud man sins, he gets mad at himself that he sinned. When the humble man sins, he says, ‘My Jesus, have mercy.’ And then he gets up again and keeps going.”
And then he gets up again and keeps going.
This reminds me of St. Therese of Lisieux. When she’d sin, she’d laugh and say, “Another weed in my garden!” She wouldn’t let her missteps throw her into a bad mood. Her mistakes didn’t ruin her day. She didn’t end up being all sorry for herself or annoyed whenever she went to Confession. She simply got back up again and kept going.
So am I stuck in a rut with my sins? Maybe. Am I still a sinner? Mos’ def. Do I have a tendency to get sad that I’m still not a saint yet? Um… yeah.
But as long as I get up again and keep going, I’m in good company.