Dear Dad,
No matter what, you are always good. On the worst days of my life (it’s so hard to pick just one, lol!), you are good.
On the days I suffered most as a child — having reality lied about by a gas-lighting parent, being abandoned on the side of the highway by my parents, being told by a parent that I was on my way to hell in a handbasket, being beaten and dragged around and thrown into furniture by a parent, fearing for my life, being thrown to the wolves — you were good.
On my worst days as a young adult — terror at being on the brink of homelessness, having a parent hang up the phone on me while I was sobbing and begging for help, fearing my new husband would leave me if I wasn’t perfectly the way he wanted me to be — you were good. On the days I thought one of my babies might die, you were good. On the days my babies died and I had miscarriages, you were good.
During the times my anxiety is so bad that it’s made me cry at night in bed, you are good. During all those times I feel panic about my kids being autistic adults, growing up and not being kids anymore, or all the many bad things that probably won’t ever happen, you are good. During all those times I don’t know anything and have no idea what I’m doing or what’s going on, you are good. During all those times I fight back tears because I don’t want to upset my kids by crying, you are good. During all those times when I wonder if I am completely insane, or when I’m completely exhausted, or when I’m filled with anger over all the injustice in the world and the injustice I’ve experienced, or when I’ve been betrayed yet again, or abandoned yet again, or had the rug pulled out from under my feet yet again, or am overwhelmed yet again, you are good. When my heart is broken yet again, you are good.
Dad, you are good. You are always good. No matter what, You are Love itself, and you are kind and patient and gentle and sweet. Dad, you are the best Dad ever. Thank you for being you.
Amen.